We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
