somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
