I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
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I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
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My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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