I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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