highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
