exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
