she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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