why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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