we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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