Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
