sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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