I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
