I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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