we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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