Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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