Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
