Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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