He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
