Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
