I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
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But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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