I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
