Fine. I'll sleep in my office
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
