Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
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He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
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According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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