Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
