You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
