that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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