Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
