We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
