you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize