areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
no you cant smoke seaweed
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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