We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
