So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
