so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
