True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I need water and some morals
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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