Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
