I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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