Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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