I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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