no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
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