a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
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He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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