how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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