i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
