I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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