dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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