I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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