Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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