12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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