I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize