the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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