that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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