sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize
