lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
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It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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