Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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