but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
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well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Come on in and take your pants off
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize