You're completely useless in the revolution.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
