just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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