Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
