Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
