Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
