Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
