im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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