...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
